The dark wood of the psychiatrist’s desk reminded Michael of a coffin. Dr. Dryden on the other hand didn’t strike Michael as your typical shrink. She looked to be in her early thirties and her dark brown hair fell loose around her shoulders. Michael expected a stern looking German woman with a severe bun and thick black glasses. Michael was also surprised that there wasn’t a couch in the room and felt a little disappointed at that fact.
“I am glad that you decided to come today.” Dr. Dryden said.
“I didn’t really want to show up if you want to know the truth.” Michael said.
“The truth is what we are here for, and I know that seeking counseling can be intimidating.” Dr. Dryden said.
“My parents are the ones responsible for me being here.” Michael said.
“You are a nineteen year old man, if you choose too; you can walk out at any time.” She said.
“I might do that. Part of me wants to get a lot of stuff off my chest and the other part wants me to run out of the building and never come back.” Michael said.
“I want you to know that I am here to help and that my door will always be open if you decide to return. Now tell me why you think that you are here.” Dr. Dryden said.
“I know why I am here.” Michael said.
“If you know, go ahead and tell me.” Dr. Dryden replied.
“I haven’t been able to function since my sister’s death.” Michael said.
“How does your sister’s death make you feel?” Dr. Dryden asked.
“I can’t believe that she is gone. I feel a sense of responsibility for it. I feel that if we had made different choices that she would be here right now. I should have been there for her.” Michael said.
“These are all normal feelings. I think that you have done well by just acknowledging that these feelings exist. Please tell me more on why you feel responsible.” Dr. Dryden said.
“Angie and I didn’t have what you would call a normal relationship. In fact it was pretty fucked up. I know that you will judge me. Even if you say that you want to help me I will be able to sense in your eyes and actions that you are judging me.” Michael said.
“My job isn’t to judge. My job is to help you work through your pain. You will never be able to work through the pain unless you let it out. Tell me why your relationship wasn’t normal.” Dr. Dryden said.
“I will tell you but, I reserve the right to ignore any advice that you want to dispense. The only reason that I am going to tell you is that some one should know the truth.
Angie was the star of the family. She excelled in every endeavor that she thought was worth her time. It was almost as if she had a natural talent for everything, but the area that she truly excelled was the school choir. I remember my parents dragging us across the United States in an effort to let every one hear her amazing voice. She took first place in every competition she ever entered. As soon as she graduated high school she accepted a full ride music scholarship at an academy for the performing arts. My parents never failed to heap praise on her at every opportunity.
My parents weren’t the only one to acknowledge her abilities. She was practically royalty at our school. Her beauty was only matched by her kindness. She was the epitome of blond perfection. There were boys lining up at our door in an effort to woo her and just have the opportunity to be at her side.
I on the other hand always seemed to be in the middle of the pack. I was on the honor roll and managed to do well, but I never stood out in the crowd. I feel like a cliché machine, spouting all these metaphors but it is the only way to accurately get my point across. I will always be, “Angie Grayling’s little brother”, Nothing more and nothing less.
The only person who ever saw me for me, was Angie. She would come to my room and actually ask me about how I was doing. She would take time out of what ever she was doing and care about me. I cherished those moments and I can’t believe that they will never happen again.” Michael said.
“I can tell that you loved her very much. It is always comforting to have a sounding board, some one to make you feel special. Everything that you have told me is perfectly normal. In families where one child is blessed with extraordinary talent, the other children almost always feel as if they are ignored or feel that they have received less attention. I don’t see where you believe that your relationship wasn’t normal.” Dr. Dryden said.
“I have only told you a small part of the story. That was the part that everyone knows, the part that everyone has seen. The real truth was that Angie and I were in love. I’m sure that you won’t believe it, but it was real love.” Michael said.
Dr. Dryden did her best not to raise an eyebrow, fearing that the slightest signal of disapproval would cause Michael to bolt out of the office.
“When you say in love, do you mean that you and Angie were in a sexual relationship?” Dr. Dryden said.
“Yes we did have sex, but we were really in love. The love was always there since the beginning, but the sex had only been going on for about a year and a half.
Angie and I were always very close. She was just a year older than I, and we were often mistaken for twins. There are way too many pictures of us in matching clothes; it is kind of embarrassing really. We fought and beat each other up like most kids do when they are about nine or ten years old but I distinctly remember being very jealous if any boy even tried to talk to her. There were more than a few bloody noses handed out on my part. I remember that I once broke a kids arm after he pushed Angie to the ground. I remember being filled with rage. Angie held my hand on the way back home and told me that she was happy that I was there to protect her. I was nine years old that day and I was sure that I wanted to protect Angie for the rest of my life.
My parents were always very busy. My mother worked at a real estate office and my father owns a construction company. The only time that I recall them being actively involved with us is when they were dragging Angie to recitals. There were many evenings where we were left practically alone. Angie and I would sleep on the couch next to each other and just hold each other without any sense of wrong doing. In our early teens she would sometimes sneak into my room and sleep next to me. It was purely innocent. I had no ill intentions towards her.
I can tell you the exact moment when I first felt lust for Angie. Angie had turned sixteen years old and was allowed to go out on real dates. I remember feeling anxious when she didn’t return home on time. I could just imagine some stupid jock asshole trying to cop a cheap feel off of her. It was almost too much for me to take. I remember hearing a car door slam and heard Angie’s footsteps trying to discreetly make it to her room. I was sure that I heard her sobbing in the next room. I felt a sudden urge to go to her room but I managed to control it. I watched the minutes tick away on the clock and heard a slight tapping on my door.
Angie walked in and her running mascara confirmed that she had been crying. I didn’t even have to ask her what happened. She sat on the bed and began pouring her heart out. She had started dating a senior named Brad Wilson, and he had expected what most senior guys expected. Angie told me that he wouldn’t take no for an answer and nearly ripped her panties off. He finally relented and drove her home without even acknowledging her. She started to weep again I did my best to hold her and contain my rage.
The next day while walking to history class I heard Brad bragging how he was the first one to fuck Angie Grayling. The other guys looked at him as if he was a conquering hero. I didn’t even realize what happened next until I saw the blood on my hands. It took three teachers to pull me off of Brad. I was suspended for the rest of the year and had to attend summer school. It was worth it. That night Angie snuck into my room and kissed me on the lips. She smiled and told me that she was proud of her protector. That was the first night I remembered masturbating with visions of Angie in my head.
Send to your friend
