My vagina was chilling. The evaporation from the liquid coating my panties under the air-conditioning began getting to me. I was alone in my room. Pitch black. My night gown was hiked up and my panties were soaked. No matter what logic and ethic told my mind, I was curious beyond anything I have ever been before about what it would actually be like; Sex, Ean. What it would be like to just hear him say those three words to me?
I quickly found myself pushing my panties up to my knees. The soaking fabric would do better to not be on me. I wanted to air dry myself down there. The small bundling slip of fabric scraped down my calves onto my ankles.
I had to do this without thinking about him. My right hand was between my legs. My panties dangled from one leg and then fell off the side of the bed onto the floor. I pulled my nightgown up more; I wanted to be as naked as possible. Running my fingers through my growing pubic hair, I dropped my knees wide. They were never wide enough as I palmed my mound. My hips rhythmically humped up and down into my hand.
My eyes closed. Focus on the guy from the dream; I repeatedly told myself to do so. I began replaying the dream in my mind. My middle finger slipped into me as I envisioned crawling onto the bed. The best thing about hindsight is that even the insignificant parts are so exciting because you already know what’s about to happen. Focus only on the guy from the dream. I had to finish before I reached the end. I knew that would be impossible but I didn’t want to think about it.
Stroking my hand over my nipples, I drug my arm to the dresser side that almost hugged my bed. I retrieved my small hairbrush.
It switched between hands as I moved it down my belly and I lined it up to my slit. I had never tried something like it before, but I was so incredibly horny then and I just wanted something new. It moved in.
Only slightly thicker than two of my fingers, the foreign object inside of me felt amazing. Something else was inside of me. I didn’t dare push it too far in, I wasn’t ready for that yet.
In and out, the cold object penetrating my virgin hole moved. My left hand rested below my belly, its fingers efficiently playing with my clitoris. It was impossible to control how my body moved. My stomach was panting in and out as my hips bobbed back and forth. My chest was rising into the air and my legs were restless.
The guy was on top of me slowly penetrating me. I moved the hairbrush in and out with his strokes. My index finger rolled and flicked at the little nub pushing out of my small slit. I wanted to pop but my mind wouldn’t let me. It was teasing me, holding me back for something.
The hairbrush handle pushing through just the entry of my slit as my clitoris stung for release was becoming too much. It was like holding my pee in after two days of not going to the bathroom. Everything was right there, right behind a wall, waiting for me to just give up and release it. I had to do it so bad.
“Ean! I… Sex…” I lost all control. I couldn’t say a word I wanted to. I wanted to say everything but I lost control just hearing myself say his name.
A wave of lava-like heat flooded over my body. I was so hot all of a sudden. My mind exploded in something and I couldn’t think, I couldn’t comprehend anything. All my muscles squeezed and tightened. And then in the midst, I pulled the hairbrush back into me.
My body writhed. A sudden sting filled my pelvis. My vaginal walls were constricting and pulling at the handle of my hairbrush. Warm liquid was oozing out of me and running down my butt crack, over my butt hole. But that sting. It was so painful.
My knees drew back together on the bed as I straightened my legs. I rolled onto my side. I did everything in reaction to the sudden pain. I couldn’t comprehend a thing that was going on and my body took over control to ease as much of the pain as possible.
By the time my mind started functioning again, I found myself crying on my side. The pain was still inside me but it was much duller. My arms were pulled up to my chest. The sweat on my body was beginning to evaporate.
I pulled my legs up to curl myself into a ball. My heal bucked against the hairbrush then lying free on my bed. I just curled up even tighter. I could feel the liquid still oozing from my slit. I knew some of it was my blood. My virginity.
I was cold. Lonely. I lost my virginity. I vowed then to never stick anything inside me again. Not until… Not until…
I couldn’t say it. I wanted to but I was scared. I broke my hymen thinking about him. Pleading to him. The next thing inside me… The only thing I ever wanted inside me again… I wanted Ean. I wanted my brother. Him. Inside me. Hold me. I was cold.
Reaching behind me, I felt around for my hairbrush. I picked it up by the combs and drug it into my naked chest. My nightgown lay still around my neck. I didn’t want to pull it down. For some reason, I just wanted to be naked, to feel vulnerable. It just felt right; appropriate at the time.
The hair brush in my grip. I remembered dad giving me it. It was a present for my birthday four years prior. Not a very good present, but it wasn’t the only thing he gave me so it was alright. Dad gave me that brush, that brush that was inside of me; that thing that broke my hymen at three in the morning in his daughter’s bed.
I wondered if he could see me. Before, when he first left, mom said he would always look down from heaven and protect me. He would always be watching me as I grew up. Always be there. That was the first time I wished dad would stop watching over me. I felt so ashamed; embarrassed.